Are you feeling disillusioned with the person who you thought was the love of your life? Are you stuck in a never-ending maze of negative feelings? Are you afraid to leave your relationship? The answers to these questions may point to being in and wanting to leave a bad relationship.

Letting your partner know that you want out is the hardest part once a decision has been made to leave. The fear in facing the truth about your relationship is often what keeps you in a maze of inaction.

RECOGNIZING A BAD RELATIONSHIP: If you had a relationship satisfaction meter where would the needle point? On one side the meter indicates your level of satisfaction, compatibility, joy, happiness, focus and future-planning. On the other it registers a sense of hopelessness, anger, despair, and self-doubt. Somewhere in the middle is a feeling of acceptance, approval, things are okay, and peace. If your needle points to the red zone of despair it may be time to think about where you fit in and what you want out of the relationship. If a dead-end is ahead of you, are you willing to sacrifice your sanity and maybe even your life to stay in a bad relationship?

DECISION-MAKING: Making the decision to leave takes a lot of guts and soul-searching. The decision will not only have an impact on you and your partner, but also your family and friends. Ending a bad relationship is accepting that there are going to be major changes in your life and that you are ready to face them head-on. How do you make the decision? Take a look at the positive and negative sides of the relationship. Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the center of it. Write the word "negative" on one side and the word "positive" on the other. Now start thinking and writing. This is an exercise in looking at your relationship from your perspective, being brutally honest with yourself. You may feel guilty writing things that you have been thinking about and keeping inside for so long, but do it anyway. Remember, this exercise is for your eyes only, so take your time and try not to censor yourself. When you are done, look at the two sides. They will give you some idea of where you are and where you are headed.

BUILDING A SUPPORT SYSTEM: Now that you have examined your true feelings and thoughts about your relationship, you must begin to gather your resources. Take a look at who is on your side, who you can turn to for emotional, physical, or financial help. Finding people who share your problems or have other things in common is important to help you feel supported and not alone. Even if you have felt all alone for many years, you don't have to feel alone any longer. Join a support group. This will not only help you get out of the house, but will also help you feel like you belong to a group of people who share the same interests and goals. Call on your support group for their caring and concern when you need it the most. Offer your help to others. There is stength in numbers.

COMMUNICATING YOUR NEEDS: Let people know how you feel. Try on the words that you want to say to your partner. Look in a mirror and practice. You may be saying things that you have only thought of before. Then try them out on a friend. Practicing saying the words will help you come to terms with their true meaning. When you feel confident that you will be able to speak with your partner and tell him or her what it is that you want, then go ahead and be honest.

AFFIRMATIONS: Affirmations are bits of sentences that you create to begin to help you change your beliefs about yourself. Write down words that describe positive aspects of your personality, ie. smart, witty, beautiful, faithful, charming. Then create a sentence starting with the words "I am." Take your affirmations with you and say them often. The affirmation becomes your mantra and helps you push away all the negative beliefs that you've been carrying around. Your self-esteem will increase as your belief system improves and the world will feel like a safer place.

Hopefully, through being honest, making the right decision, building a support system, communicating your feelings, and affirming who you are, you will gain the insight, strength, and courage to make a move toward a healthier and more fulfilling life. Ending a relationship is often a painful experience, but it's also an experience that may bring you personal growth and freedom.

JJR/NY '06