I'm sure you've heard the debate that attempts to separate out that which is love and that which is infatuation when it comes to relationships.

If you haven't it goes something like this:

You shouldn't rely on or trust feelings of infatuation when it comes to getting into a relationship because they are often short lived and based on misperceptions of who the other person really is. Rather you should search in your heart for the presence of genuine feelings of love as a guide to any relationship decisions you make.

One problem that enters into this argument that I must emphasize however is the common belief that feelings of infatuation also arise from within the heart.

If they did, you see, you would never be able to distinguish them from feelings of love because they would essentially be "on top of each other" and there would be no clarity to your emotional state.

So let me make it clear then.

Feelings of infatuation are associated with an experience of: mental and emotional excitement, feelings of impatience, anxiety or nervousness, feelings of neediness, lack of clarity in one's perception of others and themselves, a tendency to make impulsive and irrational choices, and a sense of urgency.

Where does all of this stem from? Well it's based on unfulfilled emotional needs that are the result of a deprived childhood, stored in the ego or brain and/or sexual needs that are erupting at a physiological level in the body; both distracting one's attention away from noticing whether loving feelings actually exist in the heart.

When one relies on the experience of infatuation, ignores the heart's message, and is later disappointed, the mistake that is then made is that the heart is blamed for the problem.

What's interesting is the heart was hardly even consulted and yet receives blame for something that took place at the ego/brain and/or body level. This further alienates one from one's inner heart, which by the way is the source of all one's inner wisdom and knowing.

So what happens the next time? Well now since the heart and its message have become perceived as mistrustful it becomes shut down and so the individual feels even more uncertain of how to proceed. They have lost, so to speak, their internal compass, and therefore become increasingly vulnerable to being seduced or led astray by ego or bodily distractions.

I think that you can see how the rest of the scenario plays out from here. You see that is why most individuals find themselves experiencing relationship problems and why couples counseling is such big business.

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