Do you ever wonder what makes certain people go on optimistically despite their lot in life, while others engage in negative, defeatist attitudes (even though their situation is not really so horrible)? Several months ago, I watched a television program of a woman who, at a very young age, had lost both of her arms. Her adult life was extraordinary despite her physical limitations. With a tremendous amount of effort, she had learned to use her feet and toes as hands. This amazing woman managed to write, fold laundry, teach an aerobics class, and even drive a van! And to top it off, she was happily married to an attractive man, and had a son which she provided and cared for. She was an inspiration to all who were graced by her presence.

Shortly thereafter, I watched another program chronicling the life of a very large man. This man had been large from the moment he entered the world. He was a fat baby, a fat child, and a fatter young adult. In school he was teased unmercifully. His only escape was his ability to play jazz. Life was not easy for this man.

One day, he "woke-up." He realized his self-worth and found his place in this world. He began using his passion for jazz to teach music to junior high kids. Imagine teaching to children when they had once tortured him! This man single handedly created magic in his classroom. He attracted many children who felt alone, isolated or outcast. He gave them confidence, hope, and a place to feel secure. The childrens faces came to life as they talked to him. It was as if their own spirit and passion flowed outward by the mere contact with this phenomenal man.

I began to think about myself and my life. Would I be that optimistic and motivated? Would I be filled with enough self-love and self-worthiness to courageously go out into the world with a severe physical limitation? What about the clients I work with who insist they are fat-and-ugly, unworthy and not deserving? How will they grasp the truth of how wonderful they are already?

Clearly, we all possess the power of choosing our attitudes. While it may take an enormous amount of work to become optimistically determined, it is within the command of each person. Granted, its not something that happens overnight. Given that many of us did not experience unconditional love and encouragement while growing up, it may be quite difficult to overcome the (false) belief that something is "wrong" with us.

Certainly life might have been easier if someone had nurtured those qualities of perseverance, joy, patience, trust and love within us when we were young. Now that were grown up, there is only one person left to absolutely support and encourage us. That person is our individual self. We alone have the ability to look at ourselves with love and decide to enjoy our experiences despite our perceived limitations. We can choose loving actions and loving thoughts.

Many people are ready to begin (or continue) the journey back to their authentic selves. They are more than eager to end the struggle of dieting, addiction, loathing their bodies, and looking to food, drug, or alcohol as a way to feel better. But what a difficult challenge lies ahead. The journey toward recovery appears enormous, dark and frightening. Often as challenging as climbing a slick vertical building with no rope. Its so far to go, so high and theres so much work to do. Sometimes we feel, "Why bother?"

Occasionally we begin this journey with self-loathing ("I hate my body I hate myself"). Then, with each step we take forward, we fail to acknowledge the small successes. We dwell on our perceived failures. For example, one woman I was working described how she had attended a morning office meeting and bypassed the doughnuts sitting in the middle of the table. She went back to her office to discover yet another dozen doughnuts! Not able to resist the second time around, she picked one up and ate one-half doughnut. Thats right, one-half of one doughnut.

At this point Im silently thinking, "Wow! What an accomplishment." These were not her thoughts at all. Instead, she went on to berate herself: "Why was I so weak? I shouldnt have given in. Now that Ive already ruined the day, its no use staying on track." Optimistic determination or negative, defeatist attitude? Do we have a choice?

Nurturing Optimistic Determination

1. Notice how destructive self-talk can be. What purpose is it serving? It certainly is not motivational in the long run. Instead of beating yourself up each time you slip or fail to achieve your desires, celebrate each of the many steps forward. Take a full minute or two and really be in the experience of your accomplishments. Close your eyes and see what they looked like. What did it sound like? What did it feel like? Look into the mirror and tell yourself, and your body, how well you are doing throughout this change process. Support yourself in your efforts and allow yourself to feel good about re-committing to your desires. Ask yourself if it feels good to feel good? Can you allow yourself more experiences of feeling good?

2. Keep a daily journey of success. I was inspired by a woman who kept a daily "Triumph" list. It was full of achievements and smiley faces. And it made the challenges much easier to face knowing they were balanced out with personal strengths and accomplishments.

3. Start a gratitude journal. At the end of each day, simply list five things that you were grateful for. After the gratitudes, list one successful thing you accomplished that day (or five if you are able). End the day saying something positive and compassionate about yourself.

4. Learn to fuel your life with optimism by making conscious decisions. Many of our decisions are made on autopilot -- we don't even notice ourselves making them. By focusing intention on making conscious choices, we are able to move in the direction of our joyful destiny path. At first, decide to play a game with yourself and make small choices often. For example, "I will wear the red shoes today." Or, "I will eat two cookies at 7:30 PM." Be creative in your decisions, and make them fun. Be sure to follow through with these "play" decisions. If you told yourself you would eat two cookies at 7:30 PM, then make sure you eat two. Not one, and not three. But two. This process of making conscious decisions help us feel responsible for our own actions and provide personal satisfaction. Confidence is built, along with trust in self. We become empowered to make choices in every moment and at every turn in life. Instead of letting things happen we can take control. We discover we have the power to make changes.

5. Practice the art of acceptance. Take notice of the people around you who look confident. They may not always be the thinnest ones around. Confidence comes from within. You are as attractive as you feel regardless of size. If you like yourself, your self image will come through and attract other people who like themselves. The positive sense of self that a person gives off is often more noticeable than physical body shape. People in general are attracted to a positive aura, a positive sense of self. Learn to be still and sit with yourself. Accept your body exactly as it is. Its amazing what begins to happen when we stop hating ourselves and begin to treat ourselves as the beautiful individuals that we already are.