Let me start by asking you a couple of questions:

-How do you treat yourself?

-Are you your friend or your enemy?

The chances are that if you suffer from low confidence, you are your own worst enemy.

Most of the times when confidence is low and we suffer from anxieties this is because we beat ourselves up continuously and without mercy.

We can be absolutely fierce in the way we treat ourselves but, and if we do that then how can we possibly feel confident?

We beat ourselves up about what we have done or not done, and for the ways we have behaved, if they were not according to our standards. But the point is, we need to learn to forgive ourselves; otherwise we really make our lives a misery.

We need to forgive ourselves and let go: forget about it.

Apart from beating ourselves up for our real or perceived shortcomings, we also beat ourselves up for the way we are. Let me ask you a question, and I would like a very honest answer from you: how do you talk to yourself? Are you supportive or are you destructive? If you suffer from low confidence the chances are that you are destructive towards yourself. How about if you decided to begin appreciating yourself, your qualities, talents and strengths, starting from NOW?

And we might also suffer from a sort of existential guilt so that we feel we deserve to beat ourselves up, and we think life is a struggle. It's true, we struggle to achieve anything in life, but mainly because we prevent ourselves from achieving anything. We prevent ourselves from being who we really are and we prevent ourselves from doing what we want: we simply sabotage our happiness.

So, do you follow what I am saying? We can really be that bad towards ourselves and we really need to learn to love ourselves, to welcome ourselves for who we are and treat ourselves with kindness and unconditional love.

For example, if I were to ask you 'how do you make choices?' would you answer that you choose what is best for you?

And what happens is we treat ourselves harshly? We lower our self-esteem as well. And actually the truth is that we can take back our power, and you are the only one who can raise your self-esteem. And you will see, by continuing on this journey of self-discovery, that you are the only one who can allow something outside you to take away your self-esteem. You are that powerful.

And what happens when we have low self-esteem? We complain about how people are. The truth is that people are simply who they are, and we need to accept this and simply be ourselves. And maybe we need to look at them in a more positive light? For example, I used to get annoyed when I met intrusive people and immediately I put up a cold wall; but then I realized, maybe I should change the way I looked at them and think that they simply wanted to get to know me; so my attitude towards them changed, and so did the way I made myself feel inside.

But also, what is it that makes it difficult to accept people for who they are? It's the fact that we have difficulties in being ourselves, because we are not living on our own terms. Simple, isn't it? So, if you live on your own terms and you are yourself, you can first of all accept yourself more, and then other people as well: JUST BE YOU! And also, being you and living your life on your own terms will make you feel more sure of yourself, so you will not be insecure any more. Great, isn't it?

Another thing that can undermine your self-confidence is a fear of people. Maybe you have experienced bulling in the course of your life and now you are afraid that everybody is thinking something negative about you. First of all you need to ask yourself, what am I thinking about myself? Because the chances are that you are not thinking something very positive about yourself, are you? Then you need to separate yourself from what other people think, as that is simply their opinion and not your business. And you need to be you, start approving of yourself; this will help you to like yourself and just feel good.

When are You Going to Give Yourself a Chance?

Copyright Piercarla Garusi 2006- All rights reserved.