My senior year of college I went to Chicago to audition for grad school acting programs. I fell in love with Chi town at first sight. The people seemed to smile more and the sun shone brighter. Part of the allure was that I was excited for all the offers I knew I would get. I would just be eaten up with a spoon I knew it. New York conversely would eat me up and spit me out, I looked like a country cousin walking with my head up and backpack on my back like I had never seen a skyscraper before.

In Chicago on the other hand there might as well have been rose petals at my feet when I got off the plane. The windy city would be my salvation. I would get into a great school with full scholarship and stipend, play the romantic lead (on and off stage) for every show I am in, and then either Ed or Matt (Norton and Damon respectively) would sweep me off my feet, we would marry and star in my indie films together. I was practicing my Oscar acceptance speech on the elevated train when I saw an ad for an HMO, placed at a busy intersection. It read, Its only traffic, enjoy your health. Chicago has a sense of humor too. I love it.

I marched into my audition and felt like a million bucks. At the end of my allotted time I thanked them and walked off stage with a sense of accomplishment. It would be a couple hours before I found out how many schools called me back so I enjoyed Chicago. Soaked up as much as I could with the time and budget I had. So with some nooks and crannies yet unexplored I went back to hear the verdict. There were about 50 of us in a room. They called each of our names one at a time and gave us a piece of paper with our name and then under it the names of the schools that wanted to talk to us. (I later found out that was so people would not know the room number of school reps if they were not called back.)

As other peoples names were called I was so nervous I hated being in the middle of the alphabet at that moment. I saw other people with 10 names on their list. Some of them didnt seem pleased: The one school I wanted didnt call me back or Only 5 schools this time. I just waited and tried to figure out what number of schools I would be ok with. I decided double digits was definitely too much. Just a handful of schools would need to call me to mean I am not a loser. Then the moment of truth. I got my paper and there it was in black and white. One school and they didnt even want a call back they said they would call. They might as well have said they love me like a sister or its not me its them.

On the way out of the building I contemplated the reality of the matter. I had traveled half way around the country to be rejected. I could and have done that back home in Boston. Then I got mad: how dare they not pick me, dont they know who I am? Then I was back at being sad: what am I going to do without a masters degree? I had only been doing theatre seriously for a year and a half. What was I going to do with my barely trained self?

By this time I am at the train station waiting to be taken to my losers hotel room to eat my losers dinner before my losers flight home. Thats when I saw it. On the platform there was an ad that said There will be another train in a minute. Enjoy your health. Before the audition that was just funny. Now it was profound. I never ended up getting into any grad school nor did I try the following year as I thought I would. I knew that grad school at least at this point was not for me and stressing about that or my career should never be in my plans. Now I produce and perform my own self-scripted shows and plan on moving to Chicago. I have produced shows that threw me further in debt and a theatre festival that had more people on stage then in the audience but regardless I have made sure with every process that I enjoy.

GET MOVING
Make an Enjoyment Reminder

What you will need:
* Any art supplies you may have laying around such as glitter, glue, crayons, paper (construction, or just from the printer or recycle bin even better)
* Tape
* 10 minutes alone

Pick something that you have been stressing about and keeping you from making more art and/or being happier. Ask yourself: What good comes of worrying about it? Not doing something to change it but simply worrying? You will find no good reason on earth except to promote antacid use. What would it be like if you let the worry go? How would you feel then?

Now write whatever your issue was on your piece of paper and make a sign that you can post somewhere. For example:

Its only grad school. Enjoy your health
Its only a boy. There will be better. Enjoy your health.

You can use the decorations to make it more eye catching. If your coworkers and yourself are all working on a big project it might be helpful to make a sign for your cubicle/office/desk or if you are the boss go ahead and slap that bad boy on the main entrance.

2005 Amber P Knight, P-Ster Productions