It is difficult to find active birth teachers where I live, they get booked up quickly, so I thought Id give the local clinics antenatal class a try. It left me furious for a week and I decided never to return! Why the anger? I knew I wanted a drug free home birth, and I knew the best way to get what I wanted was to trust in myself. The class set up such a fear of labour that one woman was wincing every time the word itself was mentioned. The emphasis was on how to control and stop the pain with drugs.

Labour is nothing to fear, Websters dictionary describes it as to do one's work under conditions which make it especially hard. It is hard work and it can hurt a lot, but being scared of it will only make it hurt more. Dr. Grantley Dick-Read coined the phrase fear-tension-pain cycle in the 1930s and thats exactly what happens. You fear being hurt, you tense up and blood and oxygen is drawn away from organs that are not needed to flight or fight. Dr Dick-Read said that a scared woman in labour has a white uterus, and a blood free womb just doesnt have the energy of a nice rich red one, so it hurts.

I dont know why I wasnt scared, it might have been just sheer contrariness. It may have been that I was immune to birthing horror stories, because it seemed as if every mother on my street wanted to tell me about their 48-day labour, or how the midwife had to chainsaw them open to get the baby out! I was probably not scared because I truly believed that normal childbirth is a natural process instead of a medical one. I was also busy being truly terrified of how to deal with the baby itself when it arrived.

I think I discovered the fear-tension-pain cycle for myself at the dentist after a root canal job. I realised afterwards that I had made the whole thing so much worse for myself by being so stressed. The next time I went, actually to have the tooth out, I recited in my mind the Litany against Fear from Frank Herberts book Dune

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind killer.
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

It worked, I kept myself calm and the tooth came out with a slight twinge.

I am not saying that childbirth for me was just a twinge, I had a quick labour but there wasnt much time for me to collect myself between contractions. It did hurt, and at times it was nasty but it wasnt a terrifying pain. It felt hugely productive and as soon as the baby was out, all sensations other than overwhelming love and bewilderment were forgotten. And Im not good with pain, I cry if I bump my elbow, get stung or trip up. I am self-confessed wuss! But I trusted in myself and in the amazing resources and stamina a woman giving birth can have. It was a beautiful birth, an amazing thing to do and it turns out I'm not scared of the baby either!