As more people are diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, more family members are becoming caregivers. It's not easy. "I already have a full-time job," a daughter said. "Caring for my mother is my second full-time job." You understand her comment all too well if you are caring for a loved one with memory disease.

EXPANDING TASKS MAKE CAREGIVING A FULL-TIME JOB

I was aware of the things I did for my mother because my "To Do" list kept getting longer. These tasks included making medical/dental appointments, getting prescriptions, taxi service, conserving my mother's funds, paying bills, filing her taxes, meeting with assisted living and nursing staff, giving her family experiences, and updating others on her condition. At the advice of the county Social Services Department I also pre-paid my mother's burial costs.

Pesach Krauss and Morrie Goldfischer, authors of "Why Me? Coping With Grief, Loss, and Change," think caregivers have to cut themselves some slack. "We have to discover for ourselves that uniqueness and specialness through what we do, our daily tasks and how to perform them," they write. It's hard to give yourself credit when you're exhausted. Making a list of your caregiving tasks will help you see their scope.

TIME MAKES CAREGIVING A FULL-TIME JOB

Alzheimer's kills brain cells and this damage makes your loved one more vulnerable. Brain damage may also change your loved one's personality. My mother changed from a patient person to a demanding person who wanted instant service. One afternoon, while I was writing an article, she called and said, "I'm at the mall and I can't get out of this damn place. Come and pick me up!"

That was the moment when I realized my life was no longer my own. My life had become my mother's life. Every caregiver knows what I mean. You may not have enough time for your partner, kids, friends, or hobbies. Losing control of your time makes you feel like you've lost control of your life. And you have. It may take drastic action, such as arranging for adult day care, for you to regain control.

HEALTH CARE COSTS MAKE CAREGIVING A FULL-TIME JOB

Caring for someone with Alzheimer's is labor-intensive so the costs are high. Who will pay for your loved one's care? To answer this question Marilynn Larkin, author of "When Someone You Love has Alzheimer's," says you should make plans for your loved one's financial future. "You need to have a good understanding of his or her current financial status and the costs of current and future care," she writes.

As you make these plans, Larken says, you should plan for your own financial future.

It months of detective work for me to figure out that my mother had been defrauded of $50,000 and spent most of my father's life insurance money. I was in shock. I was also shocked by the nursing home, Medicare, and Medicaid regulations I encountered. If you are caring for a loved one you will also have unforeseen costs, such as the cost of new medications. These costs add up quickly.

The only advice I can give you is to keep accurate financial records. File these records and keep them for years, because you may need them in the future. You may also be able to get financial aid. Thanks to a tip from the pharmacist, I was able to get free insulin to treat my mother's diabetes. My mother died one week before she was due to go on financial assistance.

ANTICIPATORY GRIEF MAKES CAREGIVING A FULL-TIME JOB

While I was caring for my mother I was also grieving for her. Until I became her caregiver I didn't know about anticipatory grief. In her book, "How to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies," Therese A. Rando, PhD explains that grief interferes with the caregiver's ability to relax. You feel "geared up," she says, or "wound up" and "sense that something is going to happen."

My anxiety increased toward the end of my mother's life. I worried about her constantly. Did she fall again? Was she wandering at night? Were her hallucinations worse? Would she die today? To understand my feelings I read everything I could about anticipatory grief and took steps to help myself. You may do the same.

But I will be honest here. My grief continued to worsen and it was hard to be upbeat when I thought my mother's heart would beat its last beat any second. As I expected, my mother became so forgetful she didn't know who I was and pushed me away. Still, there were caregiving tasks to be done. The final task was clearing out my mother's room the day after she died.

Anticipatory grief, rising health care costs, time constraints and expanding tasks are just some of the things that make caregiving a full-time job. Other issues, such as family disputes or moving to another community to get better care, make that job harder. Though the work is hard, I hope you view caregiving as a sacred experience. You are helping a special person live out his or her life with dignity, honor, and love.

Copyright 2006 by Harriet Hodgson